***The contents of this story appear almost in their entirety in the essay On The Path To Birth.  Here’s the story as I originally wrote it just after Catie’s birth

Catie’s Birth Story – November 16, 2004

Tuesday we went to the docs for the 38 week appointment, at 3:20pm. She did a cervix check and I was dilated to almost 4cm, and 75% effaced. The doctor could not believe it. She offered to induce me in the morning if I wanted, but I didn’t. I said hey she is obviously coming soon!! She understood and said as long as my blood pressure checked out, she would probably see me in a night or two.

Well, the BP check was 160/100 Doc was like ok, head over to the hospital right now. The baby and you are both in danger if I let you go home. We discussed induction options and she said that because she knew that I really didn’t want to be induced and because I was so close, she would break my water, and give me an hour to see if I went into labor on my own.

We called John’s mom, and our doula, and told them to come to the hospital cuz we were going to have the baby! I got checked into the hospital, assigned an LDR room, and they took some blood, and started an IV. Because of the high BP, there was a chance I had toxemia and they would have to give me medicines to make sure I didn’t have a seizure.

Dr. Houston came in to break my water… she broke it, which I didn’t even feel… and then she got this very strange look on her face. She said “I’m going to go grab an ultrasound machine” and I was like omg is everything ok?? and she said “I’m not convinced that what I’m feeling is the head”. eeek. She got the machine, and sure enough… there was my baby girl’s butt… right in my cervix. and her head under my ribs! breech baby.

My doula asked if breech always meant c-section and the doc said no, if a patient had no complications and at least one other vaginal birth then they could try for a vaginal… but of course, I had complications and no previous births. So, the c-section was scheduled for 8:30pm.

I was pretty, well… anxious I guess. I wasn’t scared, I knew that we were both going to be ok. but I really hadn’t wanted a c-section, I would say it was my #1 fear about the pregnancy. guess we could call this a “face your fears” pregnancy.

After about an hour, anesthesia came in to give me the epidural. This I was *terrified* of. most women will tell you that by the time you need an epidural in labor you are in so much pain you would let them stick that needle in your eye, lol. But I wasn’t IN labor, I wasn’t in any pain. Ella and John were both supporting me as I leaned over and tried to use my relaxation breathing to get through it. It seemed to take FOREVER… I think it took between 10-15 minutes but I just wanted it over. They kept trying to tell me what they were doing and I was like shut UP I don’t want to know!!

After the epi was in, they got ready to wheel me into the OR and I was starting to freak out. I think I was babbling at the nurses about bedside manner and bad jokes and things. I started shaking from the epidural, and the guy very bluntly told me not to worry, if I “bottomed out” they would put me all the way under. gee, thanks buddy <img alt=”" /> Ella wasn’t allowed in the OR with us which really sucked… the first anesthesiologist assistant was really nice and said he would stay with me through the surgery, but then his shift ended so some new guy came, and that sucked.

we got in the OR and *shivers* – yuck. it was so very medical and I was scared. I thought I was pretty panicked but John and the doc both said I did really well. There were all these monitors, and things beeping and people calling out numbers to each other. and I had this sheet over my neck so all I could see was John (in his scrubs, cute ) and feel SO much pressure.
I think I was kind of moaning – they push you and shove you to get that baby out! it was pretty eeky. I was trying to relax but I was just really intimidated!! After only a few minutes they said “It’s a girl!!” (well thank goodness!) and I was very briefly shown her over the curtain then they took her away.

I think John got some pictures of that… anyway they cleaned her up a little, brought her around for me to see, and then she and John went over to recovery, and I had to stay while they pushed and pushed on me. It really felt like they were trying to smother me or something. Plus the epidural wasn’t totally working on the right side and it was burning pain over there.

I think it took about 20 more minutes but I was finally sewn up, stapled and taken over to recovery. I had been told I could nurse in recovery but the nurse there wouldn’t let me. She wouldn’t even let me hold her! She said “I have to give her a bath and take some blood and things” – hi, you can’t do that in one minute?? I want to hold my daughter! grrr.

Finally I was allowed to hold her  and we got up to our own room and were finally left alone! So, it was definitely not the birth experience that I had imagined, but the end result was the same

Ok this has gotten reallllly long, lol. The hospital stay was ok, the baby is doing GREAT. she is breastfeeding like a champ, was discharged only weighing 4oz less than her birthweight. She is very alert and rarely cries.

Here’s her first picture!